So.Diary of a bus driver.

5.00 a.m. wake up. 5.45 a.m. get up, wash shower and maybe shave. 5.46 a.m. stare in mirror and maintain a grumpy suspicious expression until the kettle boils. 6.00 a.m. catch the rivals bus company's bus to work because your own one might have broken down. 7.00 a.m swagger into the depot as if you own the place, down a can of coke in front of your mates, burp as loud as

 you can and bicycle kick the crushed can straight in the waste bin. 8.00 a.m start the bus up and put the heating on in the cab, fart, then open all the windows for maximum discomfort, smirking. 8.30 a.m. arrive first stop, let a load of twats on, some had pissing discounts. Frowned at them. 9.00 a.m. took a diversion for a bacon sandwich and a dump at Tescos, which was ripe. 9.01 a.m. told the TWIRLIES they were too early to use their OAP discount card and drove off - had a right old chuckle. 10.00 a.m. still stuck in traffic, not moving, quick doze. 10.55 a.m. refused entry to a complete twat on to my bus, MY BUS, dressed as a pirate, probably on some strange drugs 12.00 noon lunch 14.00 now off to somewhere else, but should be ok because the fat twat controller gave me the company compass and map of Brazil which my mate had borrowed this morning. Half a chance of knowing where I was going 14.00 - 16.30 roam around randomly 16.50 pulled up at the lights just after stop and wouldn't let a bald headed fat twat on, could have let him on, god I laughed as I drove off. 17.00 pulled up at next set of lights just after stop and let some fit bird on.. yeahh.. I'm the man....made my day 17.30 dropped the bus off, told the Fat Twat what a great geezer of a boss he was and spent the rest of the evening in the Falcon with my mate Postman Pete and sank a few Bus Bombs. Might go for a shag with Audrey later if it's the right time of the timetable....